Posted by: kuyan | Ogos 13, 2006

I have no life

Counting days till Am is back in my arms….tawakkal to Allah he
arrives here safely…told him to not to carry anything on board except
the stuff they let you…and to put them in the ridiculous ‘see–through’
plastic bag….also told him to be careful such that no one will
interfere his bag…this time..you can never trust anyone…plus the fact
that we bare the names of those names that these psycho–maniacs
lurrrrve to fitnah…bloody–hell…who do they think they are…I am a Muslim
and very proud to be one….people can look at the hijab on me in disgust
but I am a servant of Allah and He knows best…

Watched Hindi
Film just now…quite interesting..a bit out of the norm of having too
many dancing, storylines based on love…hockey sticks…well..except
police and railway!!!They are on almost all of Hindi Films that I ever
watched……..and earlier Abg Bob cooked lamb chop…and as
usual..everyone here thought of me hubby in Germany..especially
whenever we consume Allah’s rezeki…

..and whilst other of me
friends talk about their joyous moments of motherhood….and preparing to
be one…me…I’m alone, all by myself…wanting to have a child of my own…my
rezeki is not there yet…appointment with the fertility clinic on the
26th of October…b****y hell I have to wait that long….there is a hikmah
behind all these I succumb to You Allah….

I know that
everyone here treats me and Am as part of their family, but still..I
crave the moments when I actually have my own life..having my own place
to live, with Am…only both of us in a house…being able to hug him
freely whilst watching the telly…as much as being thankful to Allah…I
also long for my independance…

..but I still have to send a
lot of money to home, to pay Kancil, and to give Mama and Papa and
Kuzan…this hinders me from stepping out of Abg Bob’s house…I’m really
broke…until Am could find an innocent job, I’m trapped in this
‘castle’…

Can you believe that in this world there are
still someone like Kak Yong and family, letting us stay with them,
giving us the honour of sharing every single moment among themselves
with us,making us feel that we are a part of them…without even asking
us anything for return…not even money….??

Ohh Allah…give us hidayah….

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