Posted by: kuyan | April 2, 2007

No title

I’ve lost touch with the sense of happiness…

A lot of stuff is in my head…worries…of the uncertainties…I’m not able to be calm now….sad…anger…everything’s mixed up…..

I told Am that…my aim of being here…a little bit longer….might not
work out after all…we’re…pratically broke now….just now was the very
first time when I told him that it’s okay for me if we’re to go back
home…for the first time I was really considering of going back home for
good….I was really fed up being here…too tired of hoping that some
people would understand…

..one day I even asked Am…do people look at us and think that we’re
from wealthy families?Really….it’s not making sense anymore…why do some
people think that only they have family problems…I have too…Am as
well…lately we had to send quite a lot of money back home, and
now…we’ve got nothing… I don’t regret sending the money, my only regret
was not being able to send more…because someone else has my money!!!!!

…today is the first time in my life when…I could not take out any
money from the bank at all…yet we were short of 20 to pay our
rent…both of us were really sad because….we just didn’t know how to
face her..tell her that…we’re desperate…we could not hold ourselves
much longer..we need what’s ours back….not bits by bits…the whole lot
of it…

Alhamdulillah Allah Gave us hope….I’ve got a call from the paper
rounding company offering me more roads…which means more money…not
much, but every little helps…

Today…was mixed…we had to borrow some money from someone we trust,
we were really shy, we were really sad…but Alhamdulillah, we were given
what we’ve wanted….thank you, we’re ever so grateful for lending us the
20, I promise to give it back as soon as we’ve got our salary…as soon
as Thursday or Friday…then the car made this strange noise and Am was
not able to speed up…not much time left, he had to get to work, but he
was starved to death I know…didn’t have time to eat just now…we didn’t
know that our bank account was this bad, so we took time for granted.

Then Am had to call Wawan asking to ride with him, but he was
already on his way to work…then, the car was okay again, and Am managed
to drive home, said to Wawan that he’s okay to drive to work…took all
his stuff at home and I followed him, he dropped me near the letting
agent’s office, but I was 6 minutes too late….the office closed at half
5.

….I have to be careful with my expenses….this month will be a
total disaster….so we have to be extra careful with the money out….

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